Alzheimer's

I've started and deleted this post five times now since Mother's Day.  I had wanted to keep the joy I feel about painting and the blog community somehow separate from the realities of my day to day life.  But my painting--or more to the point, my struggle to write and to paint lately--is completely tied to the sense of overwhelm that I feel caring for my mom. She's lived with me for 10 years, was formally diagnosed in 2006, and since Christmas has needed help with almost all tasks.  I used to take heart that at least she remembered my name.  On Mother's Day, we took a short walk in the park, and she asked what my name is.  If this sounds like a bid for sympathy,  it's not.  Just my admission that I can't keep my life compartmentalized, nor handle it all alone anymore. There are days lately when I feel I'm standing at the edge of a dark abyss, screaming into an empty universe.  I know that sounds a tad dramatic.  I won't bore you with the details of what life is like other than to say imagine trying to explain what Google is to someone who doesn't remember what tuna fish is, and repeating "it's 4:00. it's Thursday, the clock's in front of you...it's 4:02..it's still Thursday...I didn't change the station, it's a  commercial, it's 4:05...."  all day, every day to someone you miss with all your heart.  A very dear friend is currently helping me interview in-home agencies, so I can reclaim a few hours a week for work and for friends. Thank God for friends. 

I know I'm not the only one dealing with a difficult situation, illness or loss.  Thanks for bearing with me through this post. I've also received some really nice blog awards, that I promise I will post tomorrow.  

The good news is, Mom always has been, and remains, except for a few tantrums over commercials and my not allowing her to get a riding mower,  a cheerful soul.

A few photos...

Thailand

Mom, her sister Nancy, my grandmother, Zena

aboard Tres Jolie, Chesapeake Bay

This Mother's Day, in front of our house

Tickled Pink...

...that Nancy from Every Photo Tells a Story has selected one of my paintings for today's image prompt.  Please stop by her inspirational site and read the lovely poems and words of thanks from others.  Nancy writes that "pink roses often symbolize gratitude."  I am grateful to have found Nancy's site.  I am grateful for each new day. I am very grateful to have discovered so many talented and generous artists in all media in the blog community to call friends. This rose is for you! 

watercolor, 11x14,sold

previous post March 16th

   

Timmi Play Bowing

8x10,  acrylic on canvas board

gift

This is my second submission to the Art For Animals Shelter Project. Timmi came to the Prince George's County SPCA/Humane Society emaciated and covered with fleas.  He had been kept tied up outside, and suffered from "fear aggression" behavior--especially with men.  The kind folks who are fostering him have been working to build Timmi's confidence, but it will take a patient and gentle adopter to understand his needs.  When he trusts someone, he loves to snuggle in their lap to have his belly rubbed.  Timmi's also very attached to his orange ball. 

"A Companion of Diana"

vine charcoal on sanded illustration board, 11x14

This is my entry for Karin Jurick's Different Strokes from Different Folks challenge.  I decided to try this in vine charcoal on sanded board, and after too much rubbing out, my fingers were bleeding.  I started drawing the head, thinking I had lots of space to fit the figure, and lo and behold, had no space for her beautiful feet.  I used to tell students: block in, adjust, re-measure, fit the whole figure in.  In my rush to finish the assignment, I didn't do it! Please visit the DSDF site to see the beautiful entries from dozens of talented artists, and to see Diana's companion's feet.

On another note, a special shout-out and thank you to R. Garriott, an amazing artist, and one of the truly good folks in the world.  If you want a visual treat, visit R.'s painting blog.  Need some digital photo editing tips? Check out R.'s Photoshop Tips for Artists.  Best explanation of "lossy" versus "non-lossy" formats I've heard.  Thanks, R! 

Vessels

16 x 20 o/c

Sold

Another week with little productive painting time, so I'm posting an older painting.  The copper pot is Mom's, the conch belonged to my grandmother. In retrospect, I'd take out the wood stand, but at the time I was more interested in the colors, and the light bouncing around.  

Trixie

Trixie, o/c, 8 x 10"

gift

I've heard the definition of insanity is endlessly repeating the same action while expecting a different result.  Every day I'd darken Trixie, and then lighten her up. Then darken, then lighten.  I'm not sure I've got it yet, but I've got to stop.  My hope is that in the time it's taken me to paint this, sweet Trixie has been adopted!  This painting is a donation for the the Prince George's County SPCA/Humane Society, and my first submission to The Art for Animals Project.

Thank you to Sara Winters for sending me the Passionate Painting Award.  Please check out Sara's blog and see the magic she creates with a limited palette of 4 colors.  She is an inspiration. 

My 7 loves and passionate painting rules are listed on my March 25th post. I will name a few additional artists who inspire me:

 

 Rachel's Studio

Faye Christian Phillips

Paul Brown

Dana Cooper

Marilyn King

Jennifer Woodburn

As always, if you've just received this, or are "tagged out," no worries!

Seeing Red

 I've been working for a week and 1/2 on my first portrait (no not this one!) for Sheila and Carrie's Art for Animals Project. I thought I was close with my painting of Trixie, who's being fostered by the great folks at the Prince George's County SPCA/Humane Society in Maryland. I sent a jpeg to my friend who volunteers there, and she gently pointed out that Trixie is a dark brindle, and not the pale grey I seemed to have her.  Today I darkened her, lost the shape of things, made mud, tried to "fix" the background to help poor Trixie, and generally botched it up.  Which brings me to today's post of another stalled painting.  

In Progress: Oil on gessoed watercolor paper

This young model was trying her best to stay alert to no avail.  I tried my best to get some spark, but no luck.  No matter what I did,  the heavy-lidded bored expression crept back onto my canvas.  I brought the portrait back to my studio to finish, and started to think of her as a contemporary Turandot.  Do you know the famous opera poster of Puccini's mysterious, dark-eyed princess?  I decided I'd give my subject one of those knit hats with the ear flaps and tassles that teens wear, give her a nose ring, and intensify the red.  On a whim,  I blocked in the changes, and came to a roaring stop. I have no reference for the hat, and I'm thinking she looks more Ed Norton from the Honeymooners than Princess Turandot.  She's now holding court in a corner of my studio with the rest of my Where do I Go From Here stack, which sits next to the What on Earth was I Thinking pile. Tomorrow I'll tackle Trixie the foster pup again. (Wasn't Norton's wife named Trixie?)

Thanks so much to all of you who have been leaving such kind comments.  You galvanize me to keep painting.

Mentors

Andrea

22 x 28"

Charcoal on BFK Rives

When I left the corporate publishing world to paint and sail, I hadn't anticipated the initial isolation of  the freelancer's life, or the pitfalls of my naive lack of a plan.  I still had my friends at National Geographic, but, heck, they were working! I'd divorced, moved farther from the bustle of D.C. to the relatively quiet town of Frederick, Maryland, and wondered if I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life. In a scramble to make ends meet, I painted murals, did faux finishing, worked for a florist, served for a catering company, sold art at local fairs, cleaned houses, and delivered a sailboat from Grenada. One of the first artists I met in Frederick was Andrea Burchette.  I signed up for her watercolor class, expecting to brush up on my skills, and perhaps make a few pretty paintings.  We started out painting dead bugs in sumi-e ink, and ended with Itten, and full color theory.  Concepts I had learned in college finally made sense. Inspirational, spiritual, thoughtful, intensely present, Andrea has that gift of empowering people to be better. I've been through many critique sessions over the years, and hers were revelatory-- always respectful, and astute. When she was unable to continue teaching her classes at Montgomery College, and Frederick Community College, she recommended my name, and bolstered me through my new instructor jitters when I was hired.   I would not have made it through some of the challenges of the past 10 years without her friendship and mentorship.  I snapped reference photos for the portrait in her Church Street studio just before she and her husband packed up and retired to Southport, N.C. 

 

Do you have, or did you have a mentor who's helped you in your painting career?

Broadway

"Broadway"

22" x 28"

Soft pastel

nfs

 In 2002-3 I spent an intensive year in the Post Baccalaureate program at Maryland Institute College of Art (MICA) in Baltimore.  The post bacc candidates had studio space in a converted warehouse on the outskirts of campus.  The lighting was poor, the air circulation nonexistent, and the neighborhood none too safe.  None of that mattered because we were painting, and dogs were welcome!  This is Broadway, whom one of my studio mates, Dana, had rescued from life on the streets.  Broadway was a frequent visitor, and often kept me company into the wee hours.  True to her border collie roots, she would stare at me with intense focus until I put down my brushes to come play.  

Angel on High

Soft Pastel

22 x 26"

Sold

This is Angel. He was part of a feral litter born to a neighborhood cat that no one could catch.  One day I heard a kitten screaming, searched the yard, checked under the deck, but saw nothing. After an agonizing day searching, I finally crawled under the deck and looked down a slender standing pipe with a flashlight.  A tiny screaming face looked back. A fallen Angel.  He was only a few weeks old, and had wedged himself so he couldn't move his paws. In desperation, I lowered a rope with a rag tied to the end. He grabbed onto the rag with his teeth, and I pulled him out.  He was one wet, stinking, screaming kitten: scared but otherwise unharmed.  From that day on Angel was my constant companion until he passed away at age 14 in 2006.   

Art for Animals, Lemonade and more Passion!

 Sheila Tajima and Carrie Jacobson, the talented and generous women who have launched the Art for Shelter Animals Project , sent this lovely thank you for my donation of a few dollars to help the cause. They have a unique spin on linking visual artists with local shelters. Sheila and Carrie are energetic in their support of animals in need of homes, and in their support of their fellow artists. Thank you both!

Speaking of energy and drive, the indomitable Cathyann Burgess, has sent along the Lemonade Award given to bloggers who show gratitude and a positive attitude.  Cathyann is a prolific and talented painter from Virginia whose site has some of the most lovely springtime daffodils, not to mention my favorite e.e. cummings quote.  I'm honored, Cathyann.  Thank you.

Phenomenal father and painter Tom Pohlman zapped the Passionate Painting Award back my way this weekend.  One look at Tom's work, and you know this man is passionate about life. He is the brushwork king, and always has a light-hearted word of support for his fellow painters. Thank you, Tom.  You are a shining light.

(please see previous post for my passionate painting award list....)

The Lemonade Award rules:

1. Post the logo on your blog

2. Nominate at least 7 blogs that show great gratitude and/or attitude

3. List and link your nominator in your post

4. List and link your nominees in your post, and let them know they're recipients

The Lemonade Award goes to the following artists with generous spirits:

Barb Hillier

VanDerHoek Art

An Obsession with Art

Joan Sicignano's Fine Art

Art by Akiko

Nancy Medina Art

Jala Pfaff

Dear recipients: again - no worries if you are "tagged out."  : -)

This just in !  Also received the Passionate Painting Award from the fantastic painter Douglas Hoover !  Am humbled. Thank you so much.  Doug's glowing paintings of life on the N. Carolina coast are superb. His harbor, boat and beach scenes are a vacation for the soul. 

 I'd also like to say if you love cats, and great photography, please visit Doug's friend Teressa Williams' site and see her cats of Ocracoke Island.  They are stunning.  

Live Sketch 2

Oil on gessoed paper

11" x 14"

I lucked out, and was actually close enough to the model for this studio session to see into the shadows.  My goal was to develop an orange/green/violet triad, and to paint the air around her as much as the features.  She was the most pleasant woman.  Her eyes shut by the end of the session, but she was still smiling.  She seemed to radiate light.

Thank you!

Wow!  I've gotten my first blog award thanks to the very supportive and excellent painter Dean H. at Deano's Den ( Gallery).   Dean's great passion for paint and for depicting animals, landscape, still life, and the figure in glowing, sculptural brushstrokes is only surpassed by his great heart. Thanks, Dean!  The award, created by Kim Ratigan, requires the recipient to list 7 things we love, and to pass the award along to another 7 passionate painters.

Addendum: Thank you to dear Irit Bourla for also sending me this award. Irit is a self-taught painter and travel agent who paints colorful people and animals.  I am honored, Irit.

In addition to a current affair with Winsor Newton Deep Turqouise, I love:

1. laughing till my sides hurt.  It makes everything else feel better;
2. sailing, or any activity on, near, or in salt water;
3. the cool hush of cathedrals, libraries and deep forests;
4. the excitement of busy airports; exploring new places;
5. time with friends;
6. animals, and cuddling with my 4-legged pals;
7. flowers, books, clean sheets and summer melon.
   

I'm sending the Passionate Painting Award on to:

(and if you're "tagged out," no worries! )

• Cathyann Burgess
• Michelle Burnett
• Maggie Mayer
• Manon Doyle
• Angela Elledge
• Carolina Elizabeth
• Leslie Saeta

Fading Light

Mom

18 x 22"

soft pastel

Rough day.  I eventually got to the studio, painted for two hours, and wiped it out.  I know it happens, but I still find it distressing.  My hat's off to all of the daily painters who paint so beautifully, and so quickly.  I'm posting a pastel study that's preparatory for a larger oil.  This is my mom, who lives with me.  She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's three years ago.  I've finally taken leave from teaching art at the community college to care for her full time. Each day brings a new challenge. Some days I just feel flattened. And at a loss for words.  : -)

Nana Richards

Annie Richards

Soft Pastel

22" x 28"

nfs

This is my Nana Richards, my mother's grandmother.  She was Welsh, and moved to the U.S. as a young woman with my great-grandfather.  I based this on an old tinted photo from my mother's stash of keepsakes.  I've heard she came to visit when I was a newborn, and insisted on taking me out for an "airing in the pram" in a blinding snowstorm.  I was also told that she had a strong personality, and consequently great-granddad spoke little, and drank a lot of gin.  Some hat, huh!  

Live Sketch

Live Model

oil sketch

11" x 14"

Moving models are a particular challenge to paint.  And by moving, I mean anyone breathing. Too often, I'm chasing subtle shifts in light and expression all over my canvas, forgetting the lesson to simplify and grab hold of the essence. The frustrating thing about sketching live is the time limit.  The great thing about sketching live is the time limit.  I can only "tweak" things for so long before the sitting's over.  Usually, I just pray I've learned something to take to the next painting.  It was heartening to read that Sargent would pace back and forth in front of his easel swearing, and that Degas' family would wrestle paintings away from him because he never thought they were done.  

Spring!

"Tandem Leap"

Watercolor

14" x 17"

Sold

These were white daffodils from the garden last spring.  The two flowers were swaying in the breeze, and reminded me of sky divers linking arms for a jump, or dancers swaying to a private song.  I've had a bad case of wanderlust today--a warning sign that a major case of Spring Fever is about to hit.    

Happy St. Patrick's Day!   

Rosarians

Watercolor

15" x 11" 

Sold

The great friend to bloggers, and wonderful painter, Edward Burton, mentioned in a recent post that he and his wife are rosarians--serious cultivators and admirers of the rose.  I love painting roses, and struggle to do them justice. The transparent petals, velvety soft and sharp-edged all at once. They really are a miraculous flower.  The Burton's garden with 45 rose bushes must be a sight to behold.  Imagine!

Studio Pals

photos: Devlin (top) poodle 

         Callie, shitzu mix

I've been busy today with family, and with letting my studio pals in and out, and in and out, and...well, anyone who shares their lives with active pups knows what I mean.  Devlin (top) came from the wonderful no-kill shelter Hearts United in Nebraska.  I'm not sure where he got his unusual name, but since he was 3 when I adopted him, I didn't think it would be right to change it.  The shelter docs had amputated one of his hind legs because of an injury.  He gets around like gang-busters anyway.  Happy guy that he is, I probably could have called him Tripod, and he wouldn't mind.  

Callie came to join the family a year later from the Prince George's County SPCA.  A friend of mine is a volunteer there, and was fostering Callie for the weekend.  The rescue group  labeled her a shitzu mix.  After two years of her joyous company, I can confidently say the other part of the mix is: kamakazi/squirrel stalker/bird catcher/biscuit thief/snuggle monster. 

Look Up

Study: features

5" x 5"

oil on gessoed paper

sold

The eyes at an angle, looking into light, posed a challenge. How to keep them properly shadowed and in the socket, yet feel illuminated and wet, all within a relatively narrow value range. Like most painters I know, I've spent a good deal of my life studying the works of others - past masters like John Singer Sargent and John White Alexander, or contemporary painters like Burton Silverman or Jeremy Lipking --wondering about paint handling and mediums, light direction, the colors in shadows, and what gives a particular painting life. In the end, it isn't until I tuck the mental analysis away and just paint that things begin to come together.

Thanks to my first blog followers, things are looking up!